Trying to Grow Our Family for Three Years

I never imagined we would still be traveling this journey at this point, but last month was the three year mark of dealing with infertility. And you know what, it didn’t bother me one bit! God has totally transformed my heart and attitude over the last three years. When I go back and read my very first blog post, I can see how much of a bitter heart I had. I was bitter towards people that had children and complained about them. I was bitter towards women that could get pregnant just like that. I was bitter towards those same women that then whined about being pregnant.

But Jesus removed that bitterness and replaced it with joy and thankfulness. He made me see that I just needed to place my faith and trust in Him and He would provide, like He always has before. I understand now that God knew what He was doing this whole time. Why did I ever worry? He moved us to OKC when I didn’t want to and had Jim go through two jobs before placing him in the one he has now at the hospital, because God knew we would need fertility treatments. Bennett Fertility is the best fertility clinic in the state, and compared to the clinics in Kansas we would have gone to, Bennett has better success rates. God also knew that we would need help with the cost and provided that through Jim’s job. We realize how very blessed we are to have insurance that covers the majority of our treatments. Lastly, He knew I would need time off work for these treatments, and I don’t believe my previous job would have been as understanding as my current one. I am so grateful God has me working for someone that cares about us trying to expand our family and is willing to work around my many appointments.

I mentioned that Jesus also gave me a heart of thankfulness. Why would I be thankful that we are experiencing this pain? The countless disappointing months? The waiting and wondering why? The feeling that I am a failure and something is wrong with me? Because it has made me a better person, wife, friend, employee, and, most importantly, follower of Jesus. My character has grown so incredibly much over these last three years. My negativity has changed to positivity. My understanding of how God cares for me and loves me has shifted. And most importantly, my relationships with my Savior and husband are closer, stronger, and more intimate than ever. I see now that God wanted me to experience this so all this beautiful growth could happen. I would not be the same person I am now if we got what we wanted and had a baby right away. I would not realize that I cannot do this on my own and that not everything in my life is under my control. I would not be as thankful for the blessings and good things I do have in my life, with our without a child.

I also would not have met all of my wonderful TTC sisters and would not have been encouraged by them or been able to lift them up! I started sharing our experience publicly so that others would be lifted up by our story and know they are not alone. And God did so much more than what I had planned! He connected me with women that I now talk to daily. We share our struggles and doubts and fears and are able to keep pushing each other to not give up and are praying for each other. The TTC community is one of a kind and I am so grateful that God introduced me to it. I don’t know what I would do without these amazing ladies!

So where are we on our journey now? Well, I’m actually on bed rest from a transfer of one beautiful little embaby we just did on Monday! At the end of last year, we felt God leading us on the path to IVF and set up a consultation with our RE. We left his office that day feeling totally at peace about it. Praise be to God that we were able to get this far in the process with no issues. Every checkup I had was perfect and we were told we were right on track. So now all we can do is pray and wait! I am one that likes to have control (something God is still working on in me), so I just keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it at this point. Either it will work or it won’t. IF it doesn’t (I don’t like to think about it, but want to be prepared), I will know that is God’s plan and the He is still sovereign in our lives and still loves us and has what’s best for us in store. But we are BELIEVING this will work and God WILL beat infertility for us!

To be honest, I’m probably not going to blog much anymore. As you can tell (since my last post was August 🙂 ), I don’t do an excellent job of keeping this updated. I have found it’s easier for me to connect with women through my Instagram. So if you want to follow our story there, my handle is @dreamingofdirtydiapers.

Thank you so much for following our journey this far, and thank you to those that have supported us and prayed for us! God Bless!



My Love/Hate Relationship With My OBGYN

Ok, so hate is a strong word. I don’t hate my OBGYN; I don’t even really dislike her. I just hate what she said.

A couple of weeks ago, I had my yearly check up with her. As soon as I walked into the office, I became super emotional. And I have no idea why. I have really, truly, seriously been fine with not being pregnant the last few months. I have not been bitter or upset. I have not cried at a pregnancy announcement on Facebook. I have not mentally (or verbally, for that matter 🙂 ) scolded parents for taking their children for granted. I’ve really been in a good place. So I’m guessing it was the fact that I was surrounded by pregnant women and newborns. Or because when the nurse asked me if I had any issues, to which I said, “Well, besides not being able to get pregnant,” and just chuckled about it, she responded with, “Well bless your heart!”. Or it could have been because I waited 45 minutes to see the doctor, during which I could hear an ultrasound going on in the next room and I wondered if I would ever get to hear our baby’s heartbeat. I guess it was all just overwhelming.

When the doc came in, she sat down across from me and we just talked. I’m used to her just asking her questions and going through the exam and that’s that. But God knew I needed this. She asked how I was doing, and I just lost it. I told her I didn’t know why I was crying, and she said, “Because you want to have a baby! It’s ok!”. She asked why we stopped seeing the infertility doctor, and I told her about the last appointment and how I didn’t feel valued. I said I felt like things weren’t being explained to me thoroughly. She said Dr. Reshef is usually great about taking time with his patients, so this surprised her. She mentioned I have the option of seeing one other infertility doc, but he is known for not spending much time with his patients, so he wouldn’t be any better. She asked what I felt like wasn’t explained, and I said I guess just what our options were for finding out what the issue is. So she went over in detail every test and medicine we have tried, and made sure I understood what we’ve done so far. She asked what Dr. Reshef told me was next, and I said the fertility shots ending with IUI, but that I didn’t really understand what those were. She explained the Femara I took for a few cycles was the pill form of meds to help me ovulate more, and that the shots are the same thing, just more effective. I asked about endometriosis and told her Dr. Reshef said the only way to check for that was to have the laparoscopic surgery. She agreed, and said I really don’t have any symptoms of endometriosis, so she acted like she didn’t think I needed to have the surgery.

After discussing everything, she said, “So, the reason Dr. Reshef didn’t explain everything is because there is nothing to explain. Unfortunately, you fall into the 15% of couples that have unexplained infertility.”

Knife to the heart.

It was heartbreaking to hear that said out loud. No one has said it to us before, although we’ve suspected there was nothing wrong. All I could think was why? Why is this happening? I know God has a plan and I am trusting in that now more than ever, but why does it have to be an unexplained issue? I thought, I would almost rather have something wrong with us so we would know what needed to be fixed! But then thought I would probably be more distraught if we had issues and found out they weren’t fixable.

My OBGYN said since we don’t have any medical problems, that we are good candidates for IVF, which she suggested as our next step. She talked about how this is a big step and we need to mentally prepare ourselves for it, but she believes it would work. I said we weren’t ready for that yet, and she was very understanding. She just said that when we are, we need to schedule an appointment with Dr. Reshef and not to leave his office until everything is explained to us.

I left her office feeling better, but at the same time more upset. I loved that she sat down and just talked with me for several minutes about our infertility. I enjoyed talking to someone that understands our options and can tell me the truth about our situation. But it was upsetting to hear our infertility is unexplainable, at least for doctors. God has an explanation; I just I wish I knew what it was. But we don’t get to know everything about God’s plan. We just have to trust Him and believe that His plan is going to rock our world.

That night, Jim and I discussed what my OBGYN said and what we want to do from here. It’s nice to know she thinks we would be good candidates for IVF, but I don’t think we are ready to take that step yet. For me, I think fear is holding me back. I’m afraid that we will try this and spend all this money on it, and then it won’t work. That would be our last option, so then what? We just aren’t meant to have kids? Or should we keep trying more rounds of IVF? I think I’ve just got it stuck in my mind that if it didn’t work, that would be it. Of course we would adopt at that point, but I want to have a baby of our own. I want to experience pregnancy and all the wonderful and terrible things that come with it. I know without a doubt I am meant to be a mom, but that doesn’t mean I’m meant to be a mom to my own flesh and blood child. That might not be in God’s plan, and I guess I’m just afraid that the sooner we try IVF, and if it doesn’t work, the sooner my dreams will be crushed. I realize this all sounds very pessimistic. I try to remind myself to stay positive about it and not let the Enemy put these doubts and fears in my head, but sometimes it is difficult.

The other thing that is holding me back from IVF right now is thinking that going through with IVF is like trying to play God. I would love some feedback from you ladies out there that have done IVF and have struggled with this, or have not done it because of this thought. I just keep thinking, what if God doesn’t want us to do IVF because he doesn’t want us to rush it? What if we are going to get pregnant naturally without any help from medicine or technology? I sometimes say, “God, if I only knew when You were going to give us a baby, it would be so much easier to live with infertility! Even if You told us it was going to be in five years, I would be ok with the wait because I would know it IS going to happen!” Again, I don’t have the right to know what God is thinking. But if that is His plan, I worry that us doing IVF is trying to take His plan into our own hands and force it or hurry it along. But at the same time, I believe that God has given us medicine and technology to enhance our lives and help with situations like this, so maybe IVF is part of His will. I’m probably overanalyzing this, just like I do with every other aspect of my life. But these are the thoughts I struggle with.

So for now, we are waiting. We are going to stay the course with our more natural plan of chiropractic care, acupuncture, and the YLO colon cleanse. We are praying for this to be successful, but that if we are supposed to do IVF, that God will make it abundantly clear.


God’s Plan is at Work!

Long time, no update! There just hasn’t been anything to update about…until recently.

I’m still on the Young Living Oil cleanse and have been doing it for a little over three months now. One MAJOR benefit I have noticed is that my cycle is more regular now. YAY!! (Sorry, yet not sorry, if this is TMI for some…it’s a big deal!) No more of this 27-36 day inconsistencies. It’s now either 29 or 30 days. Also, the back pain and pelvic pain I used to experience a week before my cycle has greatly reduced! Another big deal! And I fully believe the cleanse is responsible for this. I felt God leading me to try a more natural route and He is working miracles through it!

The other part of the natural journey I felt God pointing me towards was going to a chiropractor to treat infertility. I was really hesitant about finding a new chiropractor, and I’m not sure why. Maybe because I was afraid it wouldn’t work, or maybe because I was comfortable going to the one I had and didn’t want to change. They do give me a back massage for like 10 minutes before every adjustment….who would want to give that up?! But one night, I finally made time to do some research. I contacted five or six different chiropractors by email, since it was late at night when I was working on this. Some of the doctors were on our insurance and some were not, but I wanted the best so I wasn’t going to worry about the money. Some of them were way on the north side of town, but I told myself I wasn’t going to let the drive be a factor in my decision. So the next morning as I was on my way to work, I prayed for God to lead me to the right chiropractor. Before I walked into work, I checked my email on my phone just to see if anyone had responded yet. There was one email from a Dr. M. I remembered that one wasn’t listed on our insurance, so I didn’t have high hopes for it. I read the email and it said Dr. M has treated several men and women for infertility through adjustments and acupuncture, which I was wanting someone that did acupuncture, so that was a plus. Then it said they do accept my insurance and it would only be only $35 a visit! I thought, ok…this is good. When I looked up their address, I realized they were only two miles south of my work. Even better! And they are open until six, which most chiropractors I have found are not, so that meant I didn’t have to take time off work for appointments. Right away, I knew this was where God wanted me to be.

So I made an appointment for the next day, and I absolutely love Dr. M! He is so much like my chiropractor I had back home. Very personable and friendly, and he asked me a ton of questions and really paid attention to me. He has a plan and says he has a high success rate for treating infertility. He takes his time with me and doesn’t rush, like my other chiropractor here did. I just feel at ease with him and believe God is going to work through him to help us get pregnant!

He did x-rays at my first appointment to figure out what specifically he needed to work on. About a month before I saw him, my toes started feeling numb/tingly on and off throughout the day. He showed me in my x-rays how some vertebrae in my low back are really squished together and are putting pressure on my nerves, which gives me that numbing sensation down in my toes. I had told him I have slight scoliosis, which you can really see in my low back, so he said that is causing those issues. He also said my neck does not have a c-curve like it should, and I have some very slight degeneration in my neck vertebrae. But he is positive that he can fix it all, as well as treat the infertility. Right now he is working on my lower back to get the numbness to stop, so we haven’t gotten in his game plan quite yet for the infertility. I have seen him three times a week for two weeks now, and this last week we started acupuncture in my lower back. I was really nervous because I have never had acupuncture before, but it was painless and pretty relaxing actually. I still don’t fully understand how acupuncture works, so I want to ask for more clarification on that. But overall, I believe this along with the cleanse is going to get us pregnant!

The biggest change I’ve seen in the last few months has been in my attitude. I’m no longer bitter all the time. I don’t break down and cry every time I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook anymore. I don’t curse God when I’m not pregnant month after month. God has really been working on my attitude and patience, and I am just staying positive and believing that one day we will be blessed with a little bundle of joy and poopie diapers. For me, it’s not a question of IF it will happen anymore, just a question of WHEN.


Drinking, Derek, and Dreams

I recently started the third part of my cleanse, which is mixing the ICP powder in juice and drinking it twice a day.

I started with a 1/2 teaspoon a day and I add a 1/2 tsp each day until I’m at 1 tablespoon at morning and night. I’m supposed to do this until the mucoid plaque drops out. Looking at the powder, it reminds me of brown sugar…

…but the resemblance stops there. It tastes like crap. Well, I’ve actually never tasted crap, but it’s awful. The consistency is the worst part. It feels like I’m drinking sand because it doesn’t dissolve in water or juice. I have also realized that after I drink it in the morning, it makes me feel full and I don’t want to eat breakfast. And I don’t like skipping breakfast. I think it’s an important meal, but after taking ICP, the sight of food makes me sick to my stomach. So hopefully this cleanse works really fast so I can be done with this soon.

*Sigh* The things we do for our unborn children.

The next thing is not related to infertility in any way, but I’m allowed to talk about other things, right? Right. So….Derek Shepherd is no more. You can laugh and shake your head and roll your eyes at me. But I am distraught and mad at Shonda Rhimes about this. I have watched Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning, so for ELEVEN YEARS, and she decides to write off my favorite character in the WORST way possible. It was fitting that right before he died he was doing what he loved. He even said his catch phrase: “It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” Then he freaking gets hit by a semi and taken to a hospital where the doctors don’t know what the heck they are doing. Really?? This storyline had nothing to do with the show and it was an awful and disrespectful way for him to go. He deserved better than that. I would have rather him and Meredith get divorced than he DIE! I was expecting next season to be the last and him and Mer and the kids would all be together and have their happy ending. And then the music starting playing and they showed flashbacks, and I knew my heart was about to be ripped out. Ugh! Yes, I’m being dramatic. But I thought it couldn’t ever get worse than Denny’s death. Wrong.

Moving on…I had a dream Thursday night that I woke up from crying. But I think it was a good cry. 🙂 Jim and I were at our current house. Jim was working on one of the cars and I was playing with our two sons outside. The oldest one was 9 or 10 and the youngest 4 or 5. We were just rolling around in the yard having fun when the oldest asked me, with a cute smile on his face, if he could have some ice cream now. I said yes, thinking this is totally my kid. (If you know me well, you know I could live off of ice cream.) Then I hugged him and I told him I loved him. He said it back. And I just held on for a few seconds longer, thinking to myself about all we went through to get him and how it was worth the wait. Now I don’t always believe that every dream is God trying to speak to you, but I felt He was in this instance. I haven’t even been worried about getting pregnant lately. Maybe because life has been crazy busy. But I feel He was telling me that it’s going to be ok and will totally be worth the wait. I don’t know if that means I’m going to get pregnant soon or we are going to have to wait awhile longer, but I’m going to be patient and just keep telling myself: they will be worth the wait! 


No, I Did Not Stop Blogging Because We Got Pregnant

I’ve just been super busy the last month and a half! I know, excuses, excuses.

I participated in a Dale Carnegie class through my job for a duration of six weeks, and oh man was that intense. It is safe to say I will never go back to school again. At least not while working. I seriously felt like I was in college with all the reading we had to do, plus I had to give at least one speech a week, sometimes two. (Ok, they were only two minutes long, but still! I don’t speak in front of people!) Thank the Lord I passed. Of course I had to reward myself for my efforts 🙂 :

dale carnegie pic

Then, after the class was over and I had reclaimed my evenings, I filled them with planning for our vacation. Am I the only one that stresses about the vacation until you are actually on the vacation? I was making lists all over the place and trying to plan for everything that would/could happen, especially since we were driving for 14 hours. I think a normal person would look forward to the vacation instead of stressing while planning it. But as we know, I am a worrier and apparently enjoy the stress. Back on topic, my younger sister got married on the beach in Florida!! And we decided to make a week-long trip out of it. It was a beautiful wedding and pretty great weather all week. I often find myself daydreaming at work about being back there….


So now that I’m back in the real world to my normal life, I wanted to post an update.

Last month was the official two-year mark of us trying to get pregnant. I fully expected to have a mental breakdown and ask God, why us? But I didn’t. I was actually very at peace about it. Yes, it was a little frustrating to think that we hit two years when I never ever thought we would be on this journey in the first place. But for the most part, I was content with what was happening and what we are trying.

I have been on the Young Living Oil cleanse now for just under a month. It’s call the Cleansing Trio and can be found here. I am following the cleanse plan outlined by Dr. Deardeuff in the book Inner Transformations Using Essential Oils. The Essentialzyme is packed with enzymes that help break up plaque in the colon and absorb toxins, and you take that three times a day in between meals. The Comfortone you take in the morning and at bed time, working up to a certain number of pills right for you, and this helps restore peristalsis to the colon. After that is restored, you start with the ICP by mixing it in juice or water and drinking it twice a day. This helps to kind of scour your colon to get toxins and junk out. The key to this is drinking lots and lots and lots of water. At the beginning I felt water logged, but now I feel pretty good. For those of you that know me, you will be shocked by this statement: apple juice does not quench my thirst anymore. Eek! Crazy, right? I mainly only drink water now. But anyway, the goal of the cleanse is to pass the mucoid plaque that is lining your colon. Sounds kinda scary to me, but I am told it is supposed to be a gentle process. Dr. Deardeuff states that all but a few of her patients that have completed this cleanse have become pregnant shortly after. So I have high hopes!

I am also using the Progessence Plus serum to see if that will help as well. I have heard stories about it helping women become pregnant, as well as other added benefits like sleeping better, reducing acne, and reducing PMS symptoms.

When I first started the cleanse and the Progessence, I had a terrible headache for about two days. I was told that was because all these toxins were being released from my body. Since then, I have not had one headache, and I used to get one a week. Also, I feel I have been sleeping better and through the night. I used to wake up in the middle of the night for really no reason, and it would take me 30 minutes to go back to sleep. I don’t do that anymore. Another benefit I’ve seen, which I don’t know why this would be related, is my back pain has reduced. So I’m not sure what is a result of just the cleanse or just the serum, but I am starting to become a believer.

We will see how it goes, but I really feel this is the path God wants us to take right now. As I expressed in my last post, I was not pleased with my last doctor appointment and I have not been back since. I still believe we are supposed to be trying more natural treatment options, so I will give this a few months and then go from there. I have not gone to a fertility chiropractor yet, but I am going to look into that soon.

Prayers are appreciated as we continue on this difficult but someday rewarding journey!


Why I Quit Exercising

Before we moved to OKC, I was exercising 4-5 times a week. I had a running buddy I was running with once a week. I was lifting weights at the Y. I was doing Zumba. I felt good about myself and my weight. I was in shape!

Then we moved…to another state. That is tough! Moving across town is one thing, but to another state…it’s just more stressful. I got out of the habit of exercising regularly. I tried to run a few times a week, but it was difficult to find time to while we were getting settled in and I was trying to find a job. Then a great opportunity presented itself to me. I was able to purchase a one-year membership to a gym, for only $45. And I could bring Jim with me every time I went! I thought this is it; this is the push we need to get back in shape. So we started going a few times a week, and I felt awesome! I could walk up the stairs at work and not get out of breath. 🙂

But then winter came, and winter makes people lazy. (In reality, that’s just a lazy excuse). At this point we had been trying to get pregnant for over a year. And what I really thought in the back of my mind was, what if my exercising is keeping us from conceiving? I’ve read it is possible that strenuous exercise can do that. So I told myself and others that I stopped going to the gym because it was cold. But I think I really stopped going because I was afraid. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure my body could conceive.

Recently, I’ve noticed I haven’t been feeling so great. I am out of breath after walking up the stairs at work. I don’t have as much energy as I used to. My metabolism is slowing down, which is most likely just a wonderful result of aging. I’ve gained a little weight and now weigh more than I ever have before. Not that I think I’m overweight, I just know I can be healthier and could stand to lose about ten pounds. I’m tired of telling myself I can’t exercise because it might hinder my chances of becoming pregnant. I HAVE to take care of myself and do what makes me happy. And right now, I am not happy with the shape I am in. So I’ve decided to start working out again.

My brother-in-law inspired me to order a free No Days Off calendar from Track Smith. It’s meant to encourage you to run every day, but I am taking it to mean do SOMETHING once a day. Instead of sitting on my butt watching TV, get out and go for a walk. Or do sit-ups and pushups. Or workout to Zumba on the Wii. I haven’t been doing something everyday, but I’m doing more than I was. Today I went walking/jogging outside for the first time in over six months, and it felt amazing!! I’m sore, but it’s the good kind of sore. I am not pushing myself to my limits, because I don’t want to do anything strenuous since I do still worry about it affecting me getting pregnant, but at least I’m working out again.

What I’ve learned from this is….I cannot put my life on hold. I can plan for a baby, which I think we’ve done an excellent job of, but I can’t stop living. I can’t not go on vacation just because I won’t get my fertility meds from the doctor that month. I can’t put off my kitchen remodel that I am dying for because I’m worried it will use up too much of our house savings and we might need that for the baby later. I can’t not plan trips and Taylor Swift concerts seven months in advance because I think, what if I’m pregnant and have to cancel? I can’t not go out to eat because we need to save money for medical bills that may arise. And I can’t not exercise. So I’m going to do things that make me happy. I will not keep putting things off while hoping and waiting for a baby. Because what if I do and then I never get to do those things? I’m not saying I should always get to do what I want, but that I need to live life, make ME happy every once in a while, and not put my life on hold. So that is what I’m going to do, and I’m starting with exercise.


God’s Timing

God works in wonderful ways. But I am constantly overanalyzing His ways, thinking about everything being a “sign” and wondering if I’m reading them right.

I had a doctor appointment last Monday, and was pretty upset when I left the doctor’s office. I waited a week to blog about it because I wanted to be able to calm down and see the whole picture. It was day three of my cycle and I was going in for my normal ultrasound to check for cysts so I could be prescribed another round of Femara. Jim and I had talked before I went in and decided I was going to ask about some other treatment options and see what our next steps might be since we weren’t seeing the results we wanted with the Femara. It was my full intention to get the prescription and still try the Femara this month, but just to also see what the other options were. So while I was driving to the hospital, I was praying for God to speak through my doctor and tell me what the next step is.

It was a Monday, so I figured they were going to be busy. The doctor’s nurse, Beverly, asked if we were doing another round of Femara, and I said that I had some questions for the doctor first. So instead of taking me into a room like normal, she rushed me back to his office and said, “Dr. Reshef, Kristi is feeling frustrated and wants to know what other options there are.” I was like, ok, I didn’t say that to you, but that is true. I sat down and the doctor said that he could see why I would be frustrated after trying three cycles of Femara and not getting pregnant. He said that back in the day, doctors would jump to the laparoscopic procedure to see what was going on inside, like endometriosis or scarring tissue, but nowadays they don’t do that. For one, he said it’s very expensive, and for two, half the time it’s a waste. He said 50% of the time they will find something and the other 50% they won’t, but even if we didn’t find any issues we would at least have peace of mind knowing that nothing was wrong. He then got a phone call and answered it, which I thought was a little rude. I felt like he wasn’t focusing on me. I then asked if there were any other tests we could do to figure out what the problem is. (I did forget I had already done a thyroid test and that was normal). He said not really. That is the most frustrating part of all this; we don’t know what the problem is! Then he said the next step he would suggest is fertility shots. He explained briefly that I would need to come in 4-5 times during a one week period for shots and blood work, then we would try IUI at the end. I asked if he thought that was the best option, and he said he would recommend it to his own daughter. But that just seemed like a scripted answer. He got up, walked me out, gave me an information sheet on the shots and a pat on the back, then sent me back to Beverly while he rushed off to his next patient.

Beverly starts telling me she’s going to get me with the fertility institute because I have to sign the consent forms for the shots and they need to explain things and have time to order the medicine, and what insurance do I have? because this will cost $2-3,000. And I was like, whoa lady! He just told me this was an option! I haven’t had time to process it and decide. She asks, “Oh, did you want to speak with your husband about this first?” Um yeah, that might be a good idea. Then I had the gall to ask her about previous tests I had. She seemed irritated with me, like she was trying to get me out of her way, and said,  “Well, I’ll have to grab your chart to check because you are just asking me questions I don’t have answers to!”

Overall, I just did not have a good feeling about the visit. I have always had good experiences with this doctor, but this time I felt I was not valued or treated well. I was in the doctor’s office for a total of 5 minutes (and they charged me $150 for that – grrrr). I felt like he was rushing me to make a decision. I did not feel good about the shots as he was describing them. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t have time to ask questions and process, or if I was just afraid to take that next step because the more treatments we try, the fewer options we have left for trying to conceive. Or I don’t know if it was God telling me this was not the right step to take. Which would be ironic since I prayed for God to speak through the doctor, but then He knew what the doctor was going to say, so maybe all along He was going to give me bad feelings about it. See, I told you…I overanalyze His plans.

So I’ve been praying and spending more time with God and just seeking out His will for us over the last couple of weeks, asking for His guidance, and some crazy cool things have been coming together.

The Saturday before the appointment, my mother-in-law gave me a book to read that was lent to her by a co-worker. This co-worker had read our blog and thought this book might give us a new direction to try. It’s about using essential oils to cleanse your body. The doctor that wrote the book stated that she has helped all but five women get pregnant after having them do a colon and liver cleanse. She suggests using the Cleansing Trio pack from Young Living Oils for the cleanse. I had considered oils in the past, but hadn’t looked into them much. What this doctor was writing about made sense…that you have all these toxins in your body, and some of them are excreted out, but then some are absorbed into your body and that can mess with your hormones and fertility. I was thinking, well I’m up for anything at this point! And this Cleansing Trio is about how much it costs for my monthly appointments, so why not. I talked with a friend that sells YLO and she explained more about the oils and how she had someone on her team that was having trouble getting pregnant. She started using an oil called Progessence Plus (to increase progesterone levels) and was pregnant a few months later. I know everyone’s body is different, but I wanted to look into this. I asked my friend if I would be ok to take the Femara and try the cleansing pills and oils, and she advised me to pray about it. So I did, and I feel that I got my answer at my doctor’s appointment. The doctor did not end up prescribing the Femara to me this month; he told us to take a break (yeah right). That, along with not feeling great about the fertility shots, really got me to thinking that maybe this was what God wanted me to try next.

So I started researching essential oils and infertility, and so many women have had success with it! I don’t want to get my hopes up, but my thinking is, it can’t hurt to try something more natural for a few months. Even if we did want to do the fertility shots, it was too late to do them this cycle. Then next month we will be out of town during the time we would need to do them, so I feel it was perfect timing that the idea of using the oils was presented to me. I also found out that a lady I work with sells YLO, and I asked her about her opinion on them after my appointment. She was very encouraging and basically told me what I already found out, but asked me to keep her updated on my journey and let her know if I had success with the oils. She also said she would be praying for me. I have only talked with this lady once (she works at a different office) so it was touching that she was so interested in my story and willing to offer support and prayers when I had only just emailed her that day. It was definitely a God thing.

Then, someone that I went to high school with and haven’t talked to since then, messaged me on Facebook. He said he hardly reads FB, but got on there and saw my blog post. Another God thing. He told me how he and his wife struggled with infertility for three years. He said they had tried what we have and more, and they understood the pain and financial burden. He said they were bitter and discouraged just like us. Then he told me that his wife starting seeing a chiropractor that specializes in infertility. I didn’t even know there was such a thing. He went on to say that after a month of adjustments, cacti, acupuncture, supplements and of course prayers, they were pregnant! Again, I know everyone’s body is different, but I feel God had him see my blog for a reason…so that he could share their story and encourage us, and also share a different treatment option with us. He even went as far as to ask his chiropractor if she could recommend one in my area that I could try. He sent me two different doctors and they are both about 1.5 hours away. Jim read the bio of the one in Tulsa, and he talks about his love for Jesus. So now I’m feeling maybe I should try an infertility chiropractor along with the oils. I just don’t know if these feelings are me grasping for new hope and different options besides expensive shots, or if God is pushing me in this direction.

This old friend also went on to encourage me to have a good attitude. He said that was the biggest difference he noticed in his wife; she was more focused on being positive. Well, I’m currently attending a Dale Carnegie course through work, and one of the readings tonight talked about how we can stop worrying by having a good attitude. He states in his books that a man is what he thinks about all day long. If I keep dwelling on our infertility issues all day, I’m going to truly become infertile. I cannot let infertility define me. He also says in the book that our mental attitude can have an unbelievable effect on our physical powers. If I believe in my heart that we are able to get pregnant and will get pregnant, it will happen! But if I continue to have negative thoughts and be down in the dumps all the time, that is not going to help. I know it sounds cheesy, but if I think positive, I believe positive thing will begin happen. Where we are in life or the stuff we have will not bring us joy and happiness, but having a great mental attitude can. Life is what we make it to be. And if I can find my joy in Christ and ask Him to help me have a positive outlook, and truly believe in my heart that we will get pregnant instead of throwing myself a pity party and asking why we aren’t, it WILL happen.

Another chapter I read tonight talked about counting our blessings and being grateful for our bounties. This was just a perfect-timed reminder of what I had already vowed to do in my last post!

Lastly, God really spoke to me through my sister this week. She reminded me of God’s promises for us. That He wants to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (and that’s me!). That He will fulfill the desires of our hearts. The He is faithful and has never abandoned us. That He wants us to be fruitful and multiply. I am focusing on these truths and fighting against the doubts that Satan has put in my mind.

After going back and reading this, I realize it all might seem random to you, but I honestly believe this is God speaking to me. I’m going to stop trying to read “signs” and just listen to Him. I hear Him telling me to try something different and commanding me to change my attitude. So that is the direction I am going to take.

I am curious to know if any of you have tried oils or chiropractic care to treat infertility. Or if you have done any research on it. I am also interested in hearing about your experiences with infertility shots. I would love to hear any thoughts you have!