1

Trying to Grow Our Family for Three Years

I never imagined we would still be traveling this journey at this point, but last month was the three year mark of dealing with infertility. And you know what, it didn’t bother me one bit! God has totally transformed my heart and attitude over the last three years. When I go back and read my very first blog post, I can see how much of a bitter heart I had. I was bitter towards people that had children and complained about them. I was bitter towards women that could get pregnant just like that. I was bitter towards those same women that then whined about being pregnant.

But Jesus removed that bitterness and replaced it with joy and thankfulness. He made me see that I just needed to place my faith and trust in Him and He would provide, like He always has before. I understand now that God knew what He was doing this whole time. Why did I ever worry? He moved us to OKC when I didn’t want to and had Jim go through two jobs before placing him in the one he has now at the hospital, because God knew we would need fertility treatments. Bennett Fertility is the best fertility clinic in the state, and compared to the clinics in Kansas we would have gone to, Bennett has better success rates. God also knew that we would need help with the cost and provided that through Jim’s job. We realize how very blessed we are to have insurance that covers the majority of our treatments. Lastly, He knew I would need time off work for these treatments, and I don’t believe my previous job would have been as understanding as my current one. I am so grateful God has me working for someone that cares about us trying to expand our family and is willing to work around my many appointments.

I mentioned that Jesus also gave me a heart of thankfulness. Why would I be thankful that we are experiencing this pain? The countless disappointing months? The waiting and wondering why? The feeling that I am a failure and something is wrong with me? Because it has made me a better person, wife, friend, employee, and, most importantly, follower of Jesus. My character has grown so incredibly much over these last three years. My negativity has changed to positivity. My understanding of how God cares for me and loves me has shifted. And most importantly, my relationships with my Savior and husband are closer, stronger, and more intimate than ever. I see now that God wanted me to experience this so all this beautiful growth could happen. I would not be the same person I am now if we got what we wanted and had a baby right away. I would not realize that I cannot do this on my own and that not everything in my life is under my control. I would not be as thankful for the blessings and good things I do have in my life, with our without a child.

I also would not have met all of my wonderful TTC sisters and would not have been encouraged by them or been able to lift them up! I started sharing our experience publicly so that others would be lifted up by our story and know they are not alone. And God did so much more than what I had planned! He connected me with women that I now talk to daily. We share our struggles and doubts and fears and are able to keep pushing each other to not give up and are praying for each other. The TTC community is one of a kind and I am so grateful that God introduced me to it. I don’t know what I would do without these amazing ladies!

So where are we on our journey now? Well, I’m actually on bed rest from a transfer of one beautiful little embaby we just did on Monday! At the end of last year, we felt God leading us on the path to IVF and set up a consultation with our RE. We left his office that day feeling totally at peace about it. Praise be to God that we were able to get this far in the process with no issues. Every checkup I had was perfect and we were told we were right on track. So now all we can do is pray and wait! I am one that likes to have control (something God is still working on in me), so I just keep telling myself that there is nothing I can do about it at this point. Either it will work or it won’t. IF it doesn’t (I don’t like to think about it, but want to be prepared), I will know that is God’s plan and the He is still sovereign in our lives and still loves us and has what’s best for us in store. But we are BELIEVING this will work and God WILL beat infertility for us!

To be honest, I’m probably not going to blog much anymore. As you can tell (since my last post was August 🙂 ), I don’t do an excellent job of keeping this updated. I have found it’s easier for me to connect with women through my Instagram. So if you want to follow our story there, my handle is @dreamingofdirtydiapers.

Thank you so much for following our journey this far, and thank you to those that have supported us and prayed for us! God Bless!

K+J

2

God’s Plan is at Work!

Long time, no update! There just hasn’t been anything to update about…until recently.

I’m still on the Young Living Oil cleanse and have been doing it for a little over three months now. One MAJOR benefit I have noticed is that my cycle is more regular now. YAY!! (Sorry, yet not sorry, if this is TMI for some…it’s a big deal!) No more of this 27-36 day inconsistencies. It’s now either 29 or 30 days. Also, the back pain and pelvic pain I used to experience a week before my cycle has greatly reduced! Another big deal! And I fully believe the cleanse is responsible for this. I felt God leading me to try a more natural route and He is working miracles through it!

The other part of the natural journey I felt God pointing me towards was going to a chiropractor to treat infertility. I was really hesitant about finding a new chiropractor, and I’m not sure why. Maybe because I was afraid it wouldn’t work, or maybe because I was comfortable going to the one I had and didn’t want to change. They do give me a back massage for like 10 minutes before every adjustment….who would want to give that up?! But one night, I finally made time to do some research. I contacted five or six different chiropractors by email, since it was late at night when I was working on this. Some of the doctors were on our insurance and some were not, but I wanted the best so I wasn’t going to worry about the money. Some of them were way on the north side of town, but I told myself I wasn’t going to let the drive be a factor in my decision. So the next morning as I was on my way to work, I prayed for God to lead me to the right chiropractor. Before I walked into work, I checked my email on my phone just to see if anyone had responded yet. There was one email from a Dr. M. I remembered that one wasn’t listed on our insurance, so I didn’t have high hopes for it. I read the email and it said Dr. M has treated several men and women for infertility through adjustments and acupuncture, which I was wanting someone that did acupuncture, so that was a plus. Then it said they do accept my insurance and it would only be only $35 a visit! I thought, ok…this is good. When I looked up their address, I realized they were only two miles south of my work. Even better! And they are open until six, which most chiropractors I have found are not, so that meant I didn’t have to take time off work for appointments. Right away, I knew this was where God wanted me to be.

So I made an appointment for the next day, and I absolutely love Dr. M! He is so much like my chiropractor I had back home. Very personable and friendly, and he asked me a ton of questions and really paid attention to me. He has a plan and says he has a high success rate for treating infertility. He takes his time with me and doesn’t rush, like my other chiropractor here did. I just feel at ease with him and believe God is going to work through him to help us get pregnant!

He did x-rays at my first appointment to figure out what specifically he needed to work on. About a month before I saw him, my toes started feeling numb/tingly on and off throughout the day. He showed me in my x-rays how some vertebrae in my low back are really squished together and are putting pressure on my nerves, which gives me that numbing sensation down in my toes. I had told him I have slight scoliosis, which you can really see in my low back, so he said that is causing those issues. He also said my neck does not have a c-curve like it should, and I have some very slight degeneration in my neck vertebrae. But he is positive that he can fix it all, as well as treat the infertility. Right now he is working on my lower back to get the numbness to stop, so we haven’t gotten in his game plan quite yet for the infertility. I have seen him three times a week for two weeks now, and this last week we started acupuncture in my lower back. I was really nervous because I have never had acupuncture before, but it was painless and pretty relaxing actually. I still don’t fully understand how acupuncture works, so I want to ask for more clarification on that. But overall, I believe this along with the cleanse is going to get us pregnant!

The biggest change I’ve seen in the last few months has been in my attitude. I’m no longer bitter all the time. I don’t break down and cry every time I see a pregnancy announcement on Facebook anymore. I don’t curse God when I’m not pregnant month after month. God has really been working on my attitude and patience, and I am just staying positive and believing that one day we will be blessed with a little bundle of joy and poopie diapers. For me, it’s not a question of IF it will happen anymore, just a question of WHEN.

2

Overwhelmed with Support!

I should have started this blog a long time ago! I was just scared to put such personal information out there for the world to see. And I won’t lie, it sill makes me nervous that our story is available for anyone to read. I guess I feel vulnerable and completely exposed. Also I just feel like society sees and treats infertility as a disease, and I’ve been fooled into believing that it is, and it makes me feel ashamed of my “disease”. I realize this is a crazy idea and am trying to work through that. Bear with me.

Anyways, enough with all the feelings.

God works in amazingly wonderful ways! So many of you have reached out to share your experiences with infertility, whether it was in the past or you are currently going through it. I had no idea most of you could relate to our situation. I truly hate that infertility is a common issue and that others have had to deal with this too, but it makes me feel less alone. That’s exactly why I felt (here we go with the feelings again) I needed to blog about it. God knew I would get the support and encouragement I needed after sharing. I’ve even had some people tell me they had a feeling that we were going through this difficult time and they have been praying for us. Now that is totally a God thing! He’s always looking out for Jim and I and making sure we are covered in prayers. I also love hearing about your success stories! Those give me hope for the future. So don’t be afraid I’m going to lash out and judo chop you if you tell me you are pregnant after struggling with infertility. I want to be able to celebrate with you in your joy! 🙂

In conclusion (I feel like I’m writing a paper for Ms. Hall’s class) thank you so very much for the prayers and support! We love you all!